Sunday, April 27, 2008

Ode to DeShawn Stevenson

In iambic pentameter:

DeShawn, DeShawn, you're such a piece of crap,

I wish you'd learn to shut your fucking trap.

Your hand-in-front-of-face routine is gay,

Your beard looks like a shit-stained pile of hay.

You tried to cheap-shot James into a fight,

But King LeBron was way too smart to bite.

You went all crazy hoisting myriad bricks,

Should stick to your day job sucking pig dicks.

The ugly stick came down hard on your Wizards,

Butler, Blatch and Antawn look like dead lizards.

Your dirty-tactics-loving, whiny coach,

Reminds me of garbage-dwelling roach.

Your pal Arenas tried to be the hero,

Instead he showed the world why he's a zero.

Playing the Cavs was tops amongst his wishes,

And now he'll soon be home, doing the dishes.

Your idiot fans continued what you started,

They showed themselves to be downright retarded.

Another first-round exit you'll enjoy,

Lots of free time to brokeback Soulja Boy.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Anna G's shotgun weddin'

After weeks of obsessing about music, cakes, venues, permits, music, speeches, and the weather, Anna G's shotgun weddin' went off without a hitch. It had gotten to the point where even I was religiously checking to see whether the forecast for Fort Myers Beach called for rain... but then again, that's what little sinners get for not getting married in the house of God! Ah, but I kid. The biggest weddin' etiquette gaffe actually came courtesy of yours truly, and was a byproduct of procrastination. I waited until the last minute to get the weddin' present, and it turned out to be too large for the kind folks at Bed, Bath & Beyond to wrap... so a cute little Spanish cashier and I kind of fashioned a huge satin bow, slapped it on the present, and that was that.

A few images from the shotgun weddin':

Anna G & Mike were kind enough to set up transportation from Crust Bistro, the reception venue, to Fort Myers Beach, the weddin' venue. It's painfully obvious that the bride & groom know their friends well, because the buses were properly equipped for the crowd.

The best part of the busing journey: the school bus drivers actually put on the STOP sign & flashers so we could all cross the street. Sweetness...

An admirably relaxed Mike awaits Anna G.

Anna G & her father make their way to the altar.

The weddin' ceremony.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith's triumphant exit.

Best-named store EVER, directly across the street from Crust Bistro.

Anna G and Mike's first dance, to some cheesy Sinatra number. Should have gone with this.

And so, congrats to my best gal Anna G and her hubby Mike. May you both always be happy, and God bless.