Sunday, July 24, 2011

Drifting

That's all I'm doing. Just drifting through life. I get up. I turn on the coffee pot. I go to the restroom. I have my coffee. I think about what could and should have been. I'm inside my own head all the time. I eventually shower. I think about upcoming events or obligations. I try to muster up the willpower to act on those events or obligations. I realize that in the end, nothing makes a difference. Fix the kitchen sink. Work on meaningless graduate education class assignments. Start thinking about the upcoming school year and the classes I'll be teaching. Go to the doctor to see about a possible change in medication. Go to the gym. None of it matters. I'm just drifting from one day to the next. From one week to the next. From one month to the next. I'm just drifting through life until it ends. No meaning, no sense of purpose, no idea why I even bother getting up.

Am I being unrealistic or spoiled in thinking that a person's life should have at least a little bit of happiness? Of purpose? Of meaning? I'll be 43 years old next month. I don't know if I can take another 20 minutes of this, much less years. Not suicidal, not crying out for help -- just completely defeated, hollow, and devoid of all hope. There has to be more to life than this.

8 comments:

Natalie said...

There is...
Maybe you should look outside a window sometime. Watch the set sun...and think.

Godlovesme said...

God made the world, then placed man in it, and the fellowship God had with man was good. Point one, there are things that are good. Our creator God has spoken through the Bible to tell us what is true and to seek God, and that God loves us, and lots more. Point two, a person can experience God's goodness and it begins with reading the Word of God. Most importantly, God sent His Son to die so that blood would be shed for sin, and individuals that trust God's promise to save them to the uttermost who come to Him by trusting in Christ will begin to know this good God and will know Him after they die because God promises to give them eternal life. So, point three is believe God's Word (He is not a man that He should lie), trust Christ as able to save you from the punishment of your sin, and live each day "in Christ". Our Creator's wisdom is abundantly evident is everything we look at, we cannot help but conclude that His wisdom is, to use a inadequate word, great. Read the Word of God. It is my prayer that you will. Take care.

Joe Bailey said...

Maybe you will wake up one day and realize your happiness is in your hands.Thru grace or circumstance you are entitled to all the happiness you can create for yourself.Waiting for someone else to create your happiness is futile at best and a waste of time.Believe in yourself and all things are possible,believe you are miserable and you are.Its up to you to decide.

laci said...

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Catch22 said...

I totally agree you. Life is empty, and all we do is drifting through it. Even if we have all we want, i still find no meaning to it. Days just pass by, getting us closer to the end. Sometimes death seems to be the finality of life. Living to live is empty. Livind to die is mistery. And even death seems to be not enough. Sometimes i try catch the small things that are nice, or simulate hapiness, but even in that moments i know is all fake, and the life doesnt worth living. I was thinking like this since forever, i did it at 10, at 16, at 20, i do it now, at 26, and ill be doing it till i die. if that is the end. There is probably more than this way of seeing things, but for the others, not for me. Or maybe in those days when i fake happiness, i might see it different. I really don't know why i am writting all of these...i guess i do it for me. I might come back and read them someday.

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Leonidus the Great. said...

I found this piece to be absolutely brilliant. I myself, although I am only 19, can identify with this piece so strongly. Constantly waking up and realizing that the trivialities of each day amount to nothing is a depressing thought I constantly churn in my own mind.
Again, absolutely brilliant piece.
If you were to look at a few of my older posts, you could identify that we share the same viewpoint; life has been unfulfilling. Something that has helped me to cope with this is simple. I tell myself each day that I'll find value in one thing. Maybe it's the way my hunting dog Henry carries himself on a run. Or maybe it's the way rain looks coming down a window pane. Either way, I try to focus on finding one piece of beauty in each day.

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